In our 20s we often hear, “You’re in your 20s, you’ve got plenty of time.”
I’m not saying I disagree with this statement (What do you think?). But also saw a TED Talk that objected common sentiment.
“30 is NOT the new 20.”
Meg Jay, Clinical faculty at University of Virginia and Clinical Psychologist, discusses 20-somethings in her TED Talk, “Why 30 is not the new 20.”
I took notes, in case you don’t have time to watch her video below.
The big 3:
- Claim your identity capital.
- Use your weak links.
- Choose your family.
1) Identity Capital: Forget about having an identity crisis, and do something that adds value to who you are.
My two cents: I personally think everyone should grab (or make!) an opportunity to travel, and if you can, abroad. It can help shape who you are, add value to your resume, and like Mark Twain said, “Travel is fatal to prejudice.”
2) Use your week links: The “Urban Tribe” is overrated. If you just hang out with like-minded friends, you won’t grow, you won’t find opportunity. That’s where opportunity comes from–those weak links.
My two cents: Exactly. Many of my jobs (including my current one!) came through friends-of-friends or those “weak ties.”
3) Choose your family: “You can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends,” said one of her early clients who had a poor family life growing up. She countered, well, now is the time you can choose your family. Don’t choose that boyfriend that seemed like the best thing at the time when everyone on Facebook was getting engaged.
My two cents: Have been thinking a lot about the power of a true partner, like Sheryl Sandberg describes in her book, Lean In. You will need someone who will help you think through your decisions intelligently, who will share all the house/child duties equally.
Extra notes:
- The brain goes through its final growth spurt during your 20s. If you want to change something about yourself, do it now.
- “She may not marry this knucklehead, but she may marry the next one.” In a story about her first client Alex, her supervisor stood up to Meg about not being tougher about figuring out Alex’s relationship issues. Your 20s are prime time for picking your family, and your future.
- We (society) have trivialized what is the defining decade of adulthood.
- Client told her that in her 20s, dating felt like musical chairs. In her 30s, it felt like everyone was sitting down. And that she married her husband just because he was the closest “chair.”
- In your 30s, your “mid-life” crisis won’t be about buying a red ferrari, but about you thinking, “I can’t have the career I want.” “I can’t have the child I want.”
Check out the video below, and let me know what you think (@GinnyTonkin)!
Looking for more on making the most out of your 20s? Check out the damn good blog Art of Manliness, and the series Don’t Waste Your 20s.